One month

I have no idea where October went, mostly because I've spent the entirety of the month in that lovely new mom fog. ;) Our little peanut arrived late September, on his due date, and he has been keeping us on our toes ever since.

My pregnancy was fairly uneventful and labor and deliver was also great. 9 hours from the start of timeable contractions (and only 10 minutes of active pushing) and we were able to meet our son, who came out with a few loud screams and then quieted down to start taking in the world around him. All the while, holding my finger in his hand. Precious and amazing doesn't even begin to describe it.

After all of that, it didn't seem all that surprising that the other shoe had to drop. Little J had a couple of issues in the hospital, ones that threatened a NICU stay, but thankfully that never came to fruition. Being typical overly-worried first time parents, Jim and I barely slept in the hospital and the first couple of days that he was home with us.

We had a few bumps in the road with nursing, though thankfully those have been resolved. And then the screaming began. Oh, the screaming. This child was never just awake and happy, he was either eating, asleep or screaming. It was brutal. A call to the pediatrician and a quick check and they think the poor little guy has silent reflux - no spitting up, but the acid is still backing up into his throat and making him pretty uncomfortable. Add an insane amount of gas and GI discomfort and he was making his pain known to us in a big loud way. It was damn near impossible to comfort him, which will make you feel like the worst parent in the world. I hit rock bottom when he was 3.5 weeks old - sobbed to the nurse from the ped's office when she called to check in on us, was horribly snotty to my husband and really wasn't feeling very fond of this new little person living with us either.

Thankfully, things started getting a little better the next day and have been generally better since then. He's easier to comfort when he cries. The screaming is less. He has these stretches where he is alert and happy. He's trying to coo and I swear he's working on smiling, though I know at this point it's very likely just gas. Whatever, I'll still take it!

I've loved him from the moment he grabbed my finger in the delivery room, but I'm starting to like him a whole lot now, too. I think he's going to be a fun kid and I'm feeling pretty lucky to be his mama.

I'm sure there is still plenty of rough stuff on the horizon, but we survived the first month with everyone still intact. That feels like a real win at this point and I'm happy to celebrate it.