Thursday, May 15, 2008

What do you say

I had dinner Tuesday night with two co-workers that I also consider good friends. We try to have dinner together every few months to catch up with each other away from the office craziness and we'd been trying to schedule this last dinner since mid-March, but couldn't seem to get the timing right. I couldn't understand why the one girl was so insistent on making this dinner happen until a few weeks ago when we found ourselves in the lunchroom alone, finishing up our meals. And then she laid out what she has been going through the last few months. It wasn't good. After over 5years of marriage, she had filed for divorce in January. The rest of the story is full of details that I'm not comfortable sharing as it's not really my story to share. Suffice to say though, I was shocked and struggled to find something to say, as opposed my jaw hanging open and unintelligable sounds coming out of my mouth.

Once I found out what was going on, we got that dinner scheduled asap and I tried to get over feeling like a complete tool for letting it go so long in the first place. Thankfully, when our other friend heard the news over dinner the first words out of her mouth were succint and so true, "If that is what you've done, then obviously it's the right thing and we're here for you." If you knew this girl, you'd know that no better words could have summed up the situation.

My friend is very strong and someone who tried to work through the issues for years before realizing things weren't going to change. Even though she knows she is doing the right thing, there are still good days and bad days and happy days and stressful days. You'd never know she was going through her own personal hell if you saw her at the office though, aside from the fact that she has recently taken up running and has lost quite a bit of weight off her already tiny frame, she is the same hard-working, caring, fun-loving person that she has always been.

And yet, my heart can't help but feel so heavy and sad for her. You never want to see your friends hurting and this definitely qualifies as that. Besides being there for her and keeping things normal around the office, there isn't anything else I can really do for her, but that doesn't mean that she isn't constantly in my head and on my heart. I wish I could make it all better for her, but I know that I can't. I also know that while this is my first friend to experience something like this, it likely it won't be the last. And this makes my heart even heavier. :(

13 comments:

California Girl said...

Unfortunately, there is nothing to say. You just have to be a good, supportive friend, and let her lean on you when she needs it. I'm sorry she's going through such a painful situation.

You're a good friend for being so concerned :)

Jen said...

I'm very sorry for your friend, but I'm sure she is so grateful for your friendship and support.

10yearstogether said...

This made my heart sad. Unfortunately it's a part of life, and it's one of those things that make us grateful for what you have in your own marriage. You're a good friend, I'm sure she'll be needing that in the next few months especially. Good luck to her. =(

R said...

Being a good friend is the best thing you can do for her and you're doing it. I'm sure she's grateful for that bit of brightness in her life.

dapotato said...

so sorry to hear. you are being an awesome friend by feeling so deeply for her and just being there. sad and hard, though...definitely sad and hard.

Winnie said...

everyone else has eloquently said what i wanted to say . . . good luck to your friend.

Kim said...

That is so sad. And she is very lucky to have a friend in you.

ssinca said...

you really are a good friend. ;)

That Girl said...

I'll let you in on a little secret since this is your first. It never gets easier to hear and it never ceases to illicit the jaw dropping.

The hubs and I were talking about it this weekend as his recently divorced friend is getting married later this summer (1 yr and 2 months after his divorce, 7 months after meeting his current fiancee) and we were trying to figure out why so many people we know are splitting up. I believe its because too many people get married because they fall in love with the idea and not the person. With all the emphasis placed on weddings in the media its hard not to get caught up in the idea of marriage as being either the next step, or a way to "prove" your love. The hubs has a far less cynical view which involves mental health......

Leslie said...

These things are so hard to watch, and even harder to deal with firsthand (I imagine).

You are a wonderful friend to see her through this.

Aline said...

This one is a toughie to comment on- and everyone else has said everything that came to my mind anyway.

Unfortunately it doesn't get easier with each couple you see go through this.. and we'll see more.

I think people like you who are willing to be uncomfortable with a situation and go through it with a friend are priceless. And I'm sure you're priceless and your listening time appreciated by your friend.

wan-nabe said...

it's tough. and having good friends to lean on is critical at a time like this, believe me.

like everyone else, i hope your friend is doing okay. i always knew you were a keeper :)

Claire said...

Sounds like you're being an awesome friend -- exactly what she needs right now. :) Good luck to your friend.